He was trapped in a haircut he no longer believed in.
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pish-Tush contemplate losing their heads.
Half Man Half Biscuit, It’s Clichéd to be Cynical at Christmas. Half Man Half Biscuit stand firm against the forces of Christmas snark.
Louis Armstrong, ‘Zat You, Santa Claus? Just, uh, slip the presents under the door, Santa.
“Weird Al” Yankovic, Christmas at Ground Zero. Duck and cover with your Yuletide lover.
John Legend and Stephen Colbert, Nutmeg. Ladies, Mr. John Legend wants to nog your egg.
Louis Prima and Keely Smith, Shake Hands with Santa Claus. Wishing you the swingingest Christmas ever.
Bob and Doug McKenzie, The 12 Days of Christmas. May Santa leave a two-four of stubbies under your tree. And doughnuts.
Gayla Peevey, I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Some girls don’t want rhinoceroses.